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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Nostalgic Memories Of Land Of The Lost Ruined In DVD Release

TORRANCE, CA—Fond memories of the Sid and Marty Krofft Saturday-morning TV classic Land Of The Lost were quashed by a weekend viewing of its first season on DVD, 38-year-old Don Richards announced today. "You can't expect the cheap blue-screen to look good today, but man, what a steaming pile," said Richards, who has abandoned the idea of introducing his childhood favorite to his 7-year-old daughter Bailey. "I can't believe how much they re-used that same shot of the same tyrannosaurus approaching Marshall, Will, and Holly's cave. And that Cha-Ka was such a bad Planet Of The Apes rip-off." Richards still holds out hope that his as-yet unwatched Lidsville DVD set "stays true" to his memories.

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