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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Nostalgic Scientists Rediscover Polio Vaccine

NEW YORK—A half century after Jonas Salk first devised a vaccine for polio, nostalgic researchers at NYU Medical Center rediscovered the “classic” inoculation late Tuesday night, recreating the immunization treatment from a monkey kidney tissue culture determined to be highly evocative of the original. “It was a simpler time back then,” said project leader Dr. Timothy Riordan, who lamented his generation having lost touch with many traditions from the early days of virology. “They just don’t make vaccines like this anymore. There was a real craft to it back then.” At press time, the scientists had shifted their efforts toward finding a way to contain the new deadly and virulent strain of polio they had inadvertently created.

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