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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Not Even Julian Assange Clear On What's Going On With Him Right Now

LONDON—Following Thursday’s announcement that Ecuador will grant him political asylum, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange told reporters that not even he is totally sure what his legal situation is right now. “So wait, what exactly is my current status, and which countries can I go to?” asked Assange, adding that he is also “pretty hazy” on the outstanding criminal charge, or charges, against him at this point. “I think I’m wanted for questioning in Sweden, but if I go there they can apparently extradite me to the United States or something? And I guess I’m allowed to go to Ecuador, of all places, but then I also can’t for some reason? I honestly don’t know anymore.” At press time, Assange told reporters the only thing he is completely certain of is that he has a website.

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