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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Not Snowing Over Here, Man On Phone Reports

DES MOINES, IA—During a brief, five-minute telephone conversation last Monday, local resident Grant Jacobs, 58, reportedly expressed surprise that it was not snowing near his home in Des Moines, IA even though it was snowing in Providence, RI where his son Michael, 20, attends college. "It's actually pretty clear, here," Jacobs said. "I bet you guys are getting what we had last week." Jacobs added that, according to the Weather Channel's Doppler radar, the weather should be fine in Providence tomorrow, while Des Moines is supposed to get hit pretty hard.

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