Nothing Going Right For Area Surgeon Today

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Nothing Going Right For Area Surgeon Today

NEW YORK–Dr. Sidney Kramer, chief of cardiac surgery at Lenox Hill Hospital, is having "one of those days," he confided to a colleague Monday. "I don't know if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or what, but I've been Mr. Butterfingers today," Kramer, 51, told anesthesiologist Allan Chang following "the heart transplant from hell." "Somebody shoulda locked up those scalpels and hid the key from me. Yikes. Oh, well, guess there's always tomorrow."

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