Notre Dame Stays Competitive, Falls Short In Intra-Squad Scrimmage

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Vol 47 Issue 34

Terrelle Pryor

The Raiders acquired the controversy-ridden Ohio State quarterback in the NFL supplementary draft. Is he any good?

NFL Fans Looking Forward To Season Of Touchbacks

NEW YORK—The National Football League's decision to move kickoffs to the 35 yard line has football fans across the nation anticipating a 2011 season full of dramatic, tension-producing touchbacks, league sources report.

Novelist Has Whole Shitty World Plotted Out

GLOUCESTER, MA—As he neared completion this week on his latest novel, By The Water's Edge, author Edward Milligan marveled aloud to reporters how he was able to flesh out, in meticulous detail, every single corner of his book's vast and stunn...
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Notre Dame Stays Competitive, Falls Short In Intra-Squad Scrimmage

SOUTH BEND, IN—Despite holding a lead with 13 minutes left to play in the fourth quarter, Notre Dame fell short in an intra-squad scrimmage game Friday, losing 33-27 in the final heartbreaking seconds. “We couldn’t stop them, we couldn’t score when we needed to--we beat ourselves out there,” Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly told reporters after the practice, adding that the loss was particularly painful because “we should be able to beat those guys.” Close games are always tough to swallow, but, in the end, it came down to who was the better team. And that wasn’t us.” Notre Dame is off to its worst start since 2010.

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