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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Novelist Thinks People Shrug 10 Times More Than They Actually Do

BOSTON—According to his handful of readers, budding novelist Mosley Forstner, 23, thinks that people shrug with much greater frequency than they actually do. "Every time a character responds to something in Mosley's book, it's "'Suppose that's the way of things,' she shrugged" or "'Fine, then I'm leaving,' he shrugged,"" said Rodney Klein, a fellow student and peer reviewer of Forstner's. "Can't his characters just 'say' something once in a while?" When informed of the criticism, Forstner responded with a grunt and a curt, dismissive motion of his shoulders intended to convey nonchalance.

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