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Oh Great, Another Woman Who Only Loves Me For My Complete Collection Of ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ Manga

Well isn’t that great—just great. Here I am, thinking I’ve finally met someone who’s perfect for me—she’s caring, smart, beautiful, and most of all, it seemed like she really got me. But I should have known better. Turns out she’s just like the rest of them, just another in a long line of women who only love me for my complete collection of the classic wandering samurai manga Rurouni Kenshin.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

Thieves Make Off With Museum’s Most Valuable Docents

CHICAGO—In what is being described as a sophisticated and well-executed heist, thieves stole nine of the Art Institute of Chicago’s most valuable docents in broad daylight this morning, according to museum and law enforcement officials.
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'Now We Can Finally Put Civil Rights Behind Us'

DETROIT—Nearly 50 years ago, Rosa Parks made history by refusing to give her seat to a white man on a segregated public bus in Montgomery, AL. This week, following the passing of the woman known as "the mother of the civil-rights movement," Americans from every walk of life—regardless of race, gender, or creed—can finally put the subject of racial equality behind them, once and for all.

"During today's service, America not only bade farewell to a seamstress from Alabama," President Bush said at a special GOP fundraiser Monday evening, "America buried the idea of civil rights itself."

Bush added: "Today, that long-ago chapter of American history is slammed tightly shut, never to be reopened."

Alabama State Senator Hank Erwin, one of the hundreds of emotional guests at Bush's $5,000-a-plate dinner, proposed a toast, saying, "If I may paraphrase the words of Dr. Martin Luther King... 'I am free at last, free at last—thank God almighty, I'm free at last to stop thinking about civil rights.'"

It is often difficult for young people to understand the segregated United States of the mid-20th century, when black citizens often lived in poverty, had substandard housing, were given poor-quality public educations, and were disenfranchised as voters. With the passing of Parks and the fight for racial equality that she symbolized, such subjects are now relics of a bygone era.

In honor of Parks, Congress agreed Monday to table all civil-rights bills currently under deliberation and turn instead to the passing of non-binding resolutions. Additionally, judges across the country are throwing out hundreds of outdated civil-rights cases clogging federal and state courts.

Organizations both private and public are doing their part to usher out the painful era during which Americans fought for racial justice.

Rosa Parks (center), whose death marks the end of the civil-rights struggle in America.

The Smithsonian's National Museum Of American History announced Tuesday that they have canceled a December exhibition that would have been titled "The Stories They Were Told: Selma Remembers." The History Channel is also helping the nation to move on, with a weeklong series devoted to the Apache helicopter.

With racial inequality no longer part of the national dialogue, the NAACP is being urged to focus on new problems, such as breast cancer.

Michael Lomax, president of the United Negro College Fund, said, "Our organization is considering the proposal, put forth by our colleagues in Washington, that we devote our abilities and resources to saving the majestic Burmese tiger."

Sen. Trent Lott (R-MS) spoke fondly Wednesday of the civil-rights era of yore.

"On behalf of the African-American community, I thank God we have lived to see the day in which civil rights for all Americans are no longer a concern," Lott said. "America needs to understand that the legacy of the civil-rights movement belongs to them, and they don't need to do anything to further it, because it has already been achieved."

More from this section

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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