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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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NPR Host Raises Voice

WASHINGTON, DC—All Things Considered host Robert Siegel shocked listeners during Monday's broadcast, speaking in an unusually loud voice. "Wow," said Siegel during a phone interview with author Annette Conroy, who had just made a point about the popularity of Scottish folk music in the Chicago area. "We quickly intervened and were able to restore order to the program before chaos took over," said show producer Linda Gross. "Robert is dealing with the incident and will likely return to the show next week."

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