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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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NSA Assures Americans That PRISM 2.0 Will Be Way More Invasive

FORT MEADE, MD—Members of the National Security Agency told reporters yesterday that if they thought the electronic surveillance program known as PRISM invaded the privacy of law-abiding citizens, the newly updated PRISM 2.0 will be far, far more invasive. “Who you call and for how long? That’s child’s play compared to what 2.0 is going to be able to do,” NSA director General Keith B. Alexander said of the improved information-gathering program, which will not only be able to monitor emails and online chats, but, through satellite technology, will have the ability to eavesdrop on all telephone conversations and record any time an individual logs onto a wireless or 4G network. “PRISM 1.0 was a little glitchy, and now that we’ve smoothed out the bugs, well, your privacy, especially inside your own home, will be a thing of the past. The technology is so good that it will basically be as if a member of the NSA is standing right behind you at all times.” Alexander also said that the next version of PRISM will have a slightly altered name, noting that there will be a Z in place of the S.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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