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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Nuclear-Bomb Instructions Found In Pentagon

ARLINGTON, VA— In an alarming development, plans for a thermonuclear device were found Monday in a Pentagon desk drawer. "These guys were definitely working on something," said United Press International correspondent Nigel Afton-George, who came across the plans while touring a section of the compound damaged in a Sept. 11 attack. "They had all sorts of manuals and plans for the construction and deployment of nuclear weapons. It's terrifying to think what they were planning to do with this stuff."

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