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Nude Model Suspects She's Posing For Civics Class

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Nude Model Suspects She's Posing For Civics Class

DOVER, DE—Model Sherri Rawlings, 24, told reporters yesterday that she has a "lingering feeling" that, for the past week, she has been standing naked in front of a junior high school civics class.

"At first, I didn't think anything of the fact that nobody had sketchbooks," said Rawlings, who admitted that she had never attended a 6:45 p.m. 15th-period art class before this one. "But when the banner written in big marker saying 'Advanced Human Portrait Drawing with Mr. Kimmel' fell, revealing a large Bill of Rights poster, I knew something was up."

Despite the unsettling suspicion, Rawlings said that she would continue posing at least until she was clear on the process by which a bill becomes a law.

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