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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Nude Model Suspects She's Posing For Civics Class

DOVER, DE—Model Sherri Rawlings, 24, told reporters yesterday that she has a "lingering feeling" that, for the past week, she has been standing naked in front of a junior high school civics class.

"At first, I didn't think anything of the fact that nobody had sketchbooks," said Rawlings, who admitted that she had never attended a 6:45 p.m. 15th-period art class before this one. "But when the banner written in big marker saying 'Advanced Human Portrait Drawing with Mr. Kimmel' fell, revealing a large Bill of Rights poster, I knew something was up."

Despite the unsettling suspicion, Rawlings said that she would continue posing at least until she was clear on the process by which a bill becomes a law.

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