adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Notable Female Writers Throughout History

Jane Austen died 200 years ago today, but she continues to be widely read and influential to today’s writers. The Onion highlights some of the most notable female authors throughout history.
End Of Section
  • More News

NYSE Admits: This Is All Make Believe

NEW YORK—New York Stock Exchange officials released a statement Monday admitting that the exchange, one of the primary means by which the nation’s economic health is measured, is in reality a made-up and largely random mishmash of numbers and meaningless statistics. "The whole ‘stock exchange’ idea came about around the turn of the century at the request of publisher William Randolph Hearst, who was looking for something to fill the back half of his New York Journal," NYSE’s Ian Silver said. "So a man named Henry Tillman came up with the idea of a ‘stock-ticker’ device, which spewed out reams of bogus numbers for Hearst to reprint." NYSE has no plans to disband.

More from this section

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close