adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Oakmont Country Club Members Refuse To Give Up Regular Weekly Tee Times

OAKMONT, PA—The membership at Oakmont Country Club informed PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem yesterday that they will not be denied their regular, weekly tee times simply because the U.S. Open is scheduled to take place there this week. "I'm a dues-paying member here, have been for 25 years," said 17-handicapper Dr. Tom Sargent, who intends on playing in his usual 8:00 a.m. Thursday threesome with doctors Heidigger and Gimlet. "If those guys are playing slow, I'll hit into them. I can't stand when guests hold up play." Sargent's pairing is set to tee off after Sergio Garcia's group and before Tiger Woods'.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close