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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Oakmont Country Club Members Refuse To Give Up Regular Weekly Tee Times

OAKMONT, PA—The membership at Oakmont Country Club informed PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem yesterday that they will not be denied their regular, weekly tee times simply because the U.S. Open is scheduled to take place there this week. "I'm a dues-paying member here, have been for 25 years," said 17-handicapper Dr. Tom Sargent, who intends on playing in his usual 8:00 a.m. Thursday threesome with doctors Heidigger and Gimlet. "If those guys are playing slow, I'll hit into them. I can't stand when guests hold up play." Sargent's pairing is set to tee off after Sergio Garcia's group and before Tiger Woods'.

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