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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Obama Always Freaked Out By People Standing Above Him Smiling Whenever He Signs Bill

WASHINGTON—Explaining that the practice is “just flat-out bizarre if you think about it,” President Obama admitted to reporters Wednesday that he gets incredibly freaked out when people stand over him and smile every time he signs a bill into law. “They form this peculiar little semicircle around me, flash these big, forced grins, and watch over my shoulder as I write my signature—the whole thing really just weirds me out,” said Obama, adding that he would much prefer signing new legislation alone in the Oval Office “without anyone breathing down my neck.” “It’s always some members of Congress or my cabinet, and there are usually some small business owners or veterans or whatever, but the absolute worst is when a group of little children literally surround my desk and hover over me as I sign a bill. It’s so creepy.” Obama, however, expressed some measure of relief, anticipating that he will only have to endure the uncomfortable situation on one or two more occasions before leaving office.

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