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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama Announces Plan To Store Nation’s Extra Stuff In Large Plastic Crate

WASHINGTON—Noting that the container would reduce clutter and help keep the country organized, President Obama announced a plan Tuesday to store the nation’s extra stuff in a large plastic crate. “I urge any American citizen who has too many things lying around their home to just give me the possessions they don’t need right now and I’ll keep them in this big plastic crate,” said Obama, calling on all 320 million Americans to send him any unused desk lamps, old sports equipment, or throw blankets that are taking up too much space or making a mess of their place. “I’ve already written ‘Nation’s Stuff’ on a piece of masking tape on the side of the crate, and I’ll keep it on a shelf in the White House basement, so you’ll know where your things are if you ever need them again. Also, the crate has a secure lid that will keep out moisture and protect your items from any water damage, so no need to worry about that.” Obama concluded his remarks by announcing a related plan to take any items the U.S. populace no longer wanted and put them into a large trash bag that he’ll drop off at Goodwill.

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