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Obama Announces We Are Invading Iran Right Now

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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

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Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

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It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

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Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.

FBI Convinces George Clooney To Wear Wire During Clinton Fundraising Dinner

SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to gather evidence in their investigation of the presidential candidate’s alleged misuse of her private email server when she served as secretary of state, members of the FBI reportedly convinced actor George Clooney to wear a hidden listening device Friday night while attending a campaign fundraising dinner with Hillary Clinton.
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Obama Announces We Are Invading Iran Right Now

WASHINGTON—Addressing the nation from the Oval Office this evening, President Barack Obama announced that a full-scale U.S. military invasion of the Islamic Republic of Iran is currently underway. “At this hour, we have deployed approximately 200,000 troops across the Iran-Iraq border as part of a multipronged military offensive against Iran,” said Obama, who confirmed the decision to invade was made unilaterally, without the explicit consent of any other world leaders. “To be clear: We are at war with the nation of Iran. On my orders, American forces have fully mobilized and begun striking selected targets with the aim of crippling Iranian nuclear infrastructure. These are the opening stages of what will be a long-term, protracted campaign.” Obama went on to dismiss the invasion’s impact on the presidential election, sternly reminding citizens that “we are in a time of war right now.”

Check back throughout the day for live updates from the Onion political team as it covers Election Day 2012.
 

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