adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
End Of Section
  • More News

Black Man Does 8 Years

GO TO FEATURE

Obama Clinches 'Joe Cabernet Sauvignon' Vote

WASHINGTON—Following a strong performance by the Democratic nominee in Tuesday's presidential debate, political analysts overwhelmingly agree that Sen. Barack Obama has all but clinched the much-sought-after "Joe Cabernet Sauvignon" voting bloc. "Once again, Obama has proved his ability to speak directly to all the regular truffle-oil-guzzlin', Nabokov-readin', opera-attendin' folks who play such an important part in deciding this election," MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews said of the Illinois senator's strong connection with the nation's hardworking gallery owners, literary critics, and gourmet-cheese purveyors. "His strong rapport with the average haut monde Joseph could tip the scales Nov. 4." Sen. John McCain's recent attempts to reach out to this constituency by wearing an elegant silk ascot were not well received, having been described in most quarters as "pandering of the most contemptuous variety."

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close