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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama Currently Being Chased In Background Of Secret Service Hearing

WASHINGTON—In the wake of a series of lapses in presidential security, Secret Service director Julia Pierson appeared before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Tuesday, seemingly unaware that President Obama himself was, at that moment, being chased by an assailant in the background. “We have made mistakes, and we want to assure the American people that we are committed to fixing them,” Pierson said, as a frantic Obama ran back and forth through the congressional hearing room, occasionally clambering over chairs to escape what observers described as a highly agitated man with a knife. “Protecting the president is our most important duty, and you have my promise that from this moment forward, we will do it as we should.” At press time, Obama was seen blocking knife blows with a legal pad as Pierson declared her intention to conduct a thorough internal review.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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