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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama Finally Reveals Nature Of His Work To Daughters

WASHINGTON—Pulling them aside Wednesday for a “quick father-daughter talk,” President Obama finally revealed to his children, Sasha and Malia, the exact nature of his work, White House sources confirmed. “You girls have probably been wondering where I go every day and why I sometimes disappear for much of the week. Well, I’m not proud of this, and I’ve kept it from you for far too long, but I think you deserve to know the truth: I’m in charge of running the United States,” said Obama, moving quickly after noticing the tears welling in his daughters’ eyes to comfort them with reassurances that, while overseeing the nation could be a messy, brutal affair, he was still their father and he loved them very much. “I don’t expect you to understand all of this right away—it’s a lot to take in. Knowing what you know about this country, it’s okay if you’re disappointed in me. I’m not proud of some of the things I do, but at this point, it’s just part of who I am.” After reportedly telling his two daughters not to dwell on the details of his job, the president then sent the heartbroken girls on their way, choking back his emotions as he solemnly walked to the Oval Office for a private meeting with King Salman of Saudi Arabia.

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