adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

Black Man Does 8 Years

GO TO FEATURE

Obama Finishes Deal To Get Every American A Free Parrot

WASHINGTON—After months of tense bipartisan negotiations, President Barack Obama announced Monday he had secured a deal to provide every man, woman, and child in the United States with a parrot. "These are beautiful animals that can live up to 80 years and are very smart," said Obama, feeding sunflower seeds to a blue and yellow macaw he referred to as General Parrotraeus. "At a time when there is so much dividing us as a nation, we must never forget that there are some things every American can cherish. You will enjoy these birds." A press release from the White House stated that while no food or cages would be provided, citizens who already own a bird may opt out with proof of parrot.

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close