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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama Has Colorado Appraised

WASHINGTON—Hoping to get an idea of what the 138-year-old state might be worth, President Barack Obama dispatched a team of appraisers to assess the value of Colorado this week, White House sources confirmed. “Colorado has a lot of great things going for it in terms of spaciousness and its convenient central location, so I figured I’d have it checked out by experts just to get an estimate,” said the president, noting that with its great views, abundance of natural light, and highly ranked schools, the Centennial State’s value could reach well into the 13 figures. “I’ll admit there’s a little bit of crime and some recent fire damage that might lower the value a little, but overall, I think we’ll find the state’s in very good shape and a valuable asset to the American people.” Obama added that to boost the state’s value even higher, the nation might want to consider upgrading some infrastructure and completely gutting the Pueblo metro area.

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