Obama Narrowly Survives Carnivorous Section Of Rose Garden

Top Headlines

Recent News

‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Eating

Obama Narrowly Survives Carnivorous Section Of Rose Garden

WASHINGTON—In his first major gaffe since taking office, President Obama accidentally stepped too close to the ferocious, man-eating plants of the White House Rose Garden Monday and was nearly devoured whole. According to witnesses, Obama was giving a tour to a group of foreign dignitaries when he leaned against a fence and was pulled headfirst into the pack of thorny stems and meat-eating flora that edge the lawn. "I should have known it was almost feeding time," said a surprisingly high-spirited Obama, whose neck and legs were still covered with bandages. "If the gardener hadn't left out that rake I used to fend them off, there's no doubt their tentacle-like vines would have strangled me and crushed my body into a powder." In hopes of preventing another embarrassing snafu, White House groundskeepers have erected a large "Keep Out!" sign near the 5-foot-tall Venus flytraps and will begin feeding the plants 10 live hogs per day instead of eight.

Next Story