Obama Not Sure How To Handle Compliment

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Vol 47 Issue 40

Apple User Acting Like His Dad Just Died

BOSTON—Calling the death a “tragic loss” and saying he was “truly devastated by the news,” self-described Apple product loyalist Eric Cavanaugh is treating the passing of the company’s former CEO Steve Jobs as if his fucking dad just died, sources confirmed Thursday.
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    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

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Obama Not Sure How To Handle Compliment

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—During an appearance at a town hall meeting Monday to discuss the economic recovery, President Barack Obama reportedly seemed unsure how to respond to an earnest compliment from a man in attendance. "Now, hold on a second, let's consider the financial situation I inherited from my predecessor," a defensive Obama shot back before realizing local resident Bill Rhett's comment, "You're doing a fine job, Mr. President," was not intended to be sarcastic or denigrating in any way. "Oh, um, sorry. I mean…I mean thank you. Thank you for your support." White House sources said that in the days since receiving the compliment, the president has frequently stopped whatever he was doing, shaken his head in amazement, and smiled as he repeated the words "A fine job, Mr. President."

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