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Obama Peddling Stimulus Package Door-To-Door

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Obama Peddling Stimulus Package Door-To-Door

HUTCHINSON, KS—In an effort to build support for his controversial economic recovery plan, President Obama set out across the country in a rented car Monday to peddle the $787 billion bailout door-to-door, administration sources reported. "Ma'am, if you'd permit me just a moment of your time, I'd like to talk to you today about a honey of a new stimulus package that's just arrived all the way from Washington, D.C.," the grinning president said in a front-porch sales pitch to local housewife Marilyn Fields, 49. "Why, yes, ma'am, this package here has got everything. It's handy, it's dandy, it's built to last, and if you can find a better plan for reviving our nation's stagnant economy this side of the Mississippi, then my name ain't Barack Hussein Obama." The president added that if the nation acts now, he'll throw in a "brand-new, state-of-the-art" farm subsidies bill, plus a four-year warranty and unlimited congressional oversight, absolutely free.

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