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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Obama Pledges To Repeal Health Care Law If Reelected

WASHINGTON—Calling it a "poorly conceived and irresponsible piece of legislation, pure and simple," President Obama made a public pledge to voters Tuesday that, if reelected, he would fight to repeal the recently upheld Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

In an address to the nation broadcast live from the White House, the president promised voters in sharp, forceful terms that the very first act of his second term would be to "strike down this unjust and unconstitutional law," which he said would place "an unacceptable burden on hardworking Americans."

"Citizens going to the polls in November should know that if they reelect me, they will not have to face the consequences of this bloated, oppressive act," said Obama, who called the legislation a "906-page monstrosity." "This law isn't merely an attack on our current health care system. It's an attack on our core values and what it means to be an American. And mark my words, an Obama administration will support those values, not destroy them."

"Frankly, this toxic plan is just another needless tax to pay—nothing more, nothing less," Obama continued. "It's harmful and it's wrong and I won't stand for it."

Blasting members of Congress for "voting to vastly overstep government authority," Obama said that under his leadership the federal government would not "reach into the pockets of honest taxpayers" to pay for the extension of health care benefits enacted by the legislation.

Obama added that if the plan goes into effect, it is "100 percent guaranteed" to bankrupt the United States within 10 years.

Proponents of the health care act have yet to respond to the president's numerous criticisms of the law, which he claimed would increase insurance premiums and force every American to receive subpar medical treatment.

"I'm going to say it in plain English: I will not let Obamacare stunt job growth, drive up the cost of health care, and cripple our economy—I simply won't let it happen," the president said. "Come November, should I be reelected, it will be my great pleasure to walk into the Oval Office, take my pen in hand, and sign a big 'adios' repealing this grave threat to our country's future."

Added Obama, "That is a promise you can take to the voting booth."

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