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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama, Rachel Goldstein Really Hitting It Off On Group Trip To Israel

JERUSALEM—Participants on Taglit Shorashim’s Israel Experience trip reported Wednesday that a special bond was clearly forming between President Barack Obama, 51, and Cleveland-area high school senior Rachel Goldstein, 16, while on a 10-day bus tour through the Holy Land. “It was obvious from the icebreakers we did at the kibbutz that first Shabbat that something was going on with them,” said Shira Weiss, 16, of best friend Goldstein and President Obama, adding that the pair walked together on the sunrise hike to Mount Masada, split off entirely from the group during the Dead Sea excursion, and always sit together on the bus. “You should have seen them at Yad Vashem—they were practically holding hands. It’s so cute.” When reached for comment at a group excursion to the Wailing Wall, Obama reportedly told other members of the trip that “nothing’s going on, Rachel’s just really cool,” adding that he was “kind of in a relationship back home.”

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