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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle. “For years, Michelle has placed her ambitions and aspirations on the back burner so I could pursue my own, and now it’s my turn to put her first,” the former president said during his final press conference in the White House, later stating that he was excited for this “next chapter for the Obama family” and expressing immense pride in his wife for having secured a partner-track position at prestigious environmental law firm the Cascadia Group. “Of course, it will be hard for me to leave my work, but this is what partners in a marriage do: They support each other and treat one another as equals. If giving up my job as commander-in-chief and moving the family out to Seattle makes her happy, then I’m glad to do it—I love you, Michelle.” When asked how he would keep himself busy in the Pacific Northwest, Obama replied that his main focus would be getting his daughters, Sasha and Malia, settled into the family’s new arrangement before possibly running for mayor of Tacoma.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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