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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Obama Returns From India With These Gross Candies For Everyone

WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama returned from a recent diplomatic visit to India with several boxes of these disgusting candies that taste, smell, and look really weird, grossed-out White House sources reported Monday. "I feel bad for not wanting to eat them, but they're just awful," said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, adding that Obama set the candies out in a common area and frequently checked to determine if anyone was eating the disgusting things. "They make me want to puke. One is like this log of sour paste surrounded by some kind of seeds, and another is really hard but tastes like soap. I think these jellied things might be aloe-flavored." Gibbs also confirmed that Obama's attempt to prepare aloo gobhi, an Indian dish consisting of cauliflower and potatoes sautéed in garam masala, stunk up the entire White House.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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