adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
End Of Section
  • More News

Obama, Romney Urge Americans To Purchase 'The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge'

AKRON, OH—In a rare display of bipartisanship just one day before the presidential election, President Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney came together Monday to urge Americans to purchase The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge. “This nation is divided, it's been through hell, and The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is quite frankly the only thing that can heal its wounds and make it great again,” Romney and Obama said in a joint statement before appearing at a rally in which the two candidates joined hands and raised their own copies of the book high into the air. “Tomorrow, we are urging all of you to skip voting, go to any place books are sold, and buy this compendium of vital information. It’s not only the right thing for you, it’s the right thing for America.” Obama and Romney then spent hours reading the book—which can be purchased online right this very second—out loud to each other as the crowd roared in approval.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close