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Obama Sleeping With Louisville Slugger Under Bed Now

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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

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Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

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It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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Obama Sleeping With Louisville Slugger Under Bed Now

WASHINGTON—Following the latest security breach at the White House over the weekend, President Obama told reporters Monday that he is taking extra safety precautions by now sleeping with a Louisville Slugger under his bed. “We live in a dangerous world, and it’s important to be prepared to protect your family,” said the president, referring to the 32-ounce wooden baseball bat he recently retrieved from the White House basement. “If I hear anybody trying to break in, it’s a relief to know that I can just reach under the bed and give them a reason to think twice about ever coming back into my house. I know Michelle sleeps a lot more easily now that I’ve got this piece of lumber by my side.” While Obama said he hopes to never use the weapon, he admitted he received a scare Sunday night when he tiptoed downstairs after hearing a noise in the Red Room and nearly took a swing at Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz.

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