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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama Spends Wednesday Doing Some Urgings, Some Callings On

WASHINGTON—During a routine briefing at the White House Wednesday, Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters President Obama would be occupied throughout the day with numerous urgings and callings on. "The president has a full schedule today, and will spend much of the morning reaffirming his commitments to before tackling five reiteratings this afternoon," said Carney, later noting that, if time permits, Obama would engage in a few comings out against. "In addition to several standings arm in arm with, he'll finish his day with some light unveilings as well as a few statings in no uncertain terms." When asked if the president would have time for a break, Carney said that at 12:30 p.m. Obama would take a brief lunch during which he'd squeeze in as many embracings the values of as he could.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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