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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Obama Spends Wednesday Doing Some Urgings, Some Callings On

WASHINGTON—During a routine briefing at the White House Wednesday, Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters President Obama would be occupied throughout the day with numerous urgings and callings on. "The president has a full schedule today, and will spend much of the morning reaffirming his commitments to before tackling five reiteratings this afternoon," said Carney, later noting that, if time permits, Obama would engage in a few comings out against. "In addition to several standings arm in arm with, he'll finish his day with some light unveilings as well as a few statings in no uncertain terms." When asked if the president would have time for a break, Carney said that at 12:30 p.m. Obama would take a brief lunch during which he'd squeeze in as many embracings the values of as he could.

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