Obama Supporter Has Perfectly Improbable Explanation Absolving President From Blame For Scandals

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Vol 49 Issue 20

Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes...

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last S...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made him long for the deeply frustrating, often maddening political climate o...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they’re totally outraged or whatever about what’s currently going on in ...

Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013
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Obama Supporter Has Perfectly Improbable Explanation Absolving President From Blame For Scandals

CORTLAND, NY—Amid mounting scrutiny over scandals involving last September’s attack on the U.S. embassy in Benghazi, the IRS’ alleged targeting of conservative groups, and the Department of Justice’s spying on the Associated Press, Obama supporter Jake Maynard reportedly devised a perfectly implausible explanation Thursday that frees the president from any blame. “Look, he’s the President of the United States of America; how could he possibly be involved in or aware of every single high-level action taken by the prominent government agencies he oversees?” said Maynard, noticeably perspiring as he explained the completely illogical reason why the President of the United States will emerge from this week’s scandals unscathed. “Let’s watch this thing play out. I have no doubt that in a week, more than enough evidence will come out showing he had nothing to do with any of this. You’ll see.” Maynard, whose voice quavered several times during his asinine explanation, ended his perfectly invalid defense of the president by stressing that this was all politics and that “none of this would even be happening if the president were someone other than Obama.”

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