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Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Obama To Cut Costs By Packing Lunch Every Day For U.S. Populace

WASHINGTON—Calling it a sensible way to help Americans put aside a little extra money, President Barack Obama announced Thursday his intention to reduce costs by packing a weekday lunch for all 318 million United States residents. “Providing each citizen with a baggie of baked tortilla chips, some baby carrots, and a Red Delicious apple is a simple way to help bring down their daily expenses while also making sure they have a wholesome, tasty meal at the same time,” Obama told reporters in the White House kitchen early this morning as he began laying out the 636 million slices of bread for the nation’s turkey sandwiches. “In just a few weeks, I think most Americans will find that the savings really add up. All right, so that’s no tomatoes for Jennifer Burgess of Twin Falls, Idaho, and let me just slip this note of encouragement into Aidan Danielson’s lunch bag before his big spelling test. There. All set.” At press time, sources confirmed that upon receiving their lunches, most Americans had simply thrown theirs away and bought something from the work vending machine.

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