adBlockCheck

Obesity, Obesity Reports On The Rise

Top Headlines

Recent News

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

The Pros And Cons Of Taking A Gap Year

Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers

THE HEAVENS—Grumbling to Himself as He frantically retraced His steps across the Heavens, God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, admitted to reporters Monday that He had somehow managed to lose the pouch containing the enchanted crystals that give Him His powers.

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Obesity, Obesity Reports On The Rise

ALBANY, NY (Nov. 14)—Americans have never been more aware of the dangers of weight gain, nor have they ever weighed so much, according to a SUNY-Binghamton study released Monday.

An obese obesity-report reader.

"In 1989, Americans were exposed to 1.8 reports on obesity each week and were an average of five pounds overweight," study director Marilyn Fleder said. "Today, the average American is nearly 10 pounds overweight and sees or reads at least four reports on the obesity epidemic each week. If the trend continues unchecked, Americans will weigh 17 pounds more, and network news shows will devote a daily minimum of three minutes of airtime to obesity issues by 2010."

Fleder blamed the dual trend on Americans' increasingly sedentary lifestyles.

"Americans get their news about obesity by watching television or reading magazines and newspapers, which force the reader or viewer to assume a physically passive position," Fleder said. "This contributes to weight gain, which is then dutifully reported by the media. It's a vicious cycle."

Fleder said the trend could reverse itself if Americans had healthier diets and became more physically active.

"While reports have ballooned to hundreds of pages in length, there is hope," Fleder said. "If Americans improve their eating and exercise habits, obesity reports could quickly begin to drop in size, shedding as many as 20 to 30 pages a year, until they disappear altogether."

Fleder added that the media could also play a useful role by limiting obesity coverage to the later prime-time hours between 9 and 11 p.m., after the dinner hour.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close