adBlockCheck

Obsessive Freak Abner Doubleday Forces Locals To Play Nonsensical Game

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Obsessive Freak Abner Doubleday Forces Locals To Play Nonsensical Game

COOPERSTOWN, NY—In a series of baffling events during the summer of 1839, obsessive freak Abner Doubleday reportedly coerced locals into participating in a preposterous game that featured nonsensical elements such as "plates," "mounds," "bases," "balls," "bats," "gloves," "fair and foul territories," and the scoring of "runs" instead of points.

"While those forced to take part in this strange diversion viewed Doubleday as a peculiar fellow, they were even more perplexed by the bizarre game itself," local observer William Moore noted in his journal, adding that many players simply walked off the field when Doubleday attempted to explain the tag-up rule and the balk. "Participants found it difficult to comprehend how a recreational activity could involve standing in one place for such extended periods of time. And this business about a 'strike' meaning you failed to hit the ball confused and angered many."

According to later entries in Moore's journal, participants finally began to enjoy playing the nonsensical game when, after weeks of frustration, they started using the long wooden sticks to tag out base runners.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close