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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Oddsmakers Say Oakland Raiders A Long Shot To Finish Season

LAS VEGAS—The Las Vegas Hotel & Casino sports book released a slate of new odds on the upcoming NFL season Monday, listing the Oakland Raiders as a 60-to-1 long shot to finish all 16 games this year. “Frankly, I think these odds are generous for a team that seems like it will be lucky to reach its bye week,” said Vegas insider Rick Malik. “You’ve got an inexperienced quarterback, a walking injury of a running back, and then honestly name another player on this roster. Frankly, I would not be surprised if the Raiders are bounced out in week one.” Bookmakers, however, placed 4-to-1 odds on the Raiders’ entire draft class being a bust and a straight 2-to-1 line on the coaching staff being fired before season’s end.

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