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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Of Course Busy Bartender Doesn’t Mind Taking Picture Of You And Your Friends

CHICAGO—Speaking over the din of an entire roomful of people clamoring to buy drinks, local bartender Philip Melrose reported that he was more than happy to drop everything Saturday night and take a photo of you and your friends. “Sure, it’s no problem at all to stop filling these pints of beer, take your iPhone from you, and then wait several moments until you and your friends crowd close enough together to all fit in the photo—I’d be happy to do it,” said Melrose, adding that he could never turn down the exciting opportunity to snap a blurred picture of customers after already serving hordes of increasingly aggressive patrons over a seven-hour shift, particularly if the photograph was not just for one’s personal collection but a submission to a contest, like New Belgium’s #SnapShotWheat promotion. “And before you even ask, I certainly wouldn’t mind taking another picture with your friend’s phone after this one as well.” Noting that he was “completely cool” with jeopardizing his potential tips from other customers by catering solely to you, Melrose admitted that he was actually fulfilling a lifelong dream to retake your photo 10 more times until you get the perfect silly one.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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