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Offbeat Congressman Having Trouble Finding Committee To Fit Into

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Offbeat Congressman Having Trouble Finding Committee To Fit Into

WASHINGTON—Two months into his first term, Rep. Jason McKenna (D-OR) reported Monday that, despite his best efforts, he has been unable to find a congressional committee that appreciates his free-spirited personality and unique worldview. "I guess I just don't want to be pigeonholed as a 'Ways and Means guy' forever," said McKenna, adding that the atmosphere in Congress was "way more cliquey" than he had anticipated. "Everyone here is so obsessed with labels. Yes, I'm here to represent my district and all, but I'm also here to express myself. All these people care about is who gets what bill voted on by whom." Sources on Capitol Hill said the dissatisfied freshman representative spent his first few weeks in Washington wandering around the Smithsonian museums, smoking cigarettes on the National Mall, and trying to drum up interest in starting a congressional grindcore band.

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