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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Offbeat Congressman Having Trouble Finding Committee To Fit Into

WASHINGTON—Two months into his first term, Rep. Jason McKenna (D-OR) reported Monday that, despite his best efforts, he has been unable to find a congressional committee that appreciates his free-spirited personality and unique worldview. "I guess I just don't want to be pigeonholed as a 'Ways and Means guy' forever," said McKenna, adding that the atmosphere in Congress was "way more cliquey" than he had anticipated. "Everyone here is so obsessed with labels. Yes, I'm here to represent my district and all, but I'm also here to express myself. All these people care about is who gets what bill voted on by whom." Sources on Capitol Hill said the dissatisfied freshman representative spent his first few weeks in Washington wandering around the Smithsonian museums, smoking cigarettes on the National Mall, and trying to drum up interest in starting a congressional grindcore band.

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