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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Offended Customer's Huffy Walkout Goes Unnoticed

DULUTH, MN—Angry about the convenience store's poor service, Dina Jorgenson abruptly stormed out of Marvin's QuikStop unseen Monday. "Oh, I've had enough of this," Jorgenson said, pointedly slamming her passion-fruit Snapple on the counter and marching out the front door, after having waited in line for nearly 10 minutes. Two hours later, QuikStop cashier Tasha Quiggle asked a fellow clerk why there was a warm Snapple sitting on the counter.

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