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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Office Cheering On Employee Going For 32-Minute Nonstop Work Streak

NEW YORK -- Holding up signs and roaring with applause, employees at Accenture Management Consultants dropped their work Tuesday morning to cheer on coworker James Conrad as he shattered company records by going for a 32-minute non-stop work streak, sources reported. “Go! Go! Go! Go!” coworkers chanted in unison as Conrad answered emails, analyzed data, and managed client accounts for the 19th straight minute without walking around the office, eating, or checking movie trailers on YouTube. “Can he go for 20? He did it! Twenty minutes of unbroken productivity and counting!” At the 22-minute mark, an exhausted Conrad was moments away from checking his Facebook account but was buoyed again by the cheers of his colleagues.

UPDATE: Conrad's streak officially ended at the 32-minute mark when he took out his phone to post “Busy day at the office” on his Twitter account.

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