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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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OfficeMax Employee Was Here When Gel Pens Were Big

IRVINE, CA—Veteran OfficeMax employee Drew Hillenberg regaled younger staff members on Friday, sharing his stories from a bygone era when gel pens were among the hottest sellers at the big-box business supply store. “Man, I remember back in ’97, gel pens were huge—I’d sell boxes of ’em every day, it was that crazy,” said Hillenberg of the fluorescent water-based gel writing instruments, adding that he “knew gels were going to be big” when customers began regularly asking for them by name in the late ’90s. “I remember blue, green, and purple moved pretty fast, but clear? Damn. We’d have to restock those babies twice a day. It was really something.” Hillenberg went on to inform coworkers that while the current demand among the store’s customers for water-based rollerballs was “impressive,” it was “nothing like what we used to see for gels.”

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