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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Official Proclamation From St. Louis Granting Albert Pujols Working Key To The City

If all franchises received as much support in retaining star players from their home cities as the Cardinals have received from the city of St. Louis, Babe Ruth would have retired a Red Sox and Brett Favre might have been physically demolished in Green Bay this past season.

In case you haven't heard, if Pujols resigns with the Cardinals, St. Louis has offered The Machine a skeleton key that will grant him access to all homes, businesses and monuments in the city. Here's the official proclo:

St. Louis already has a long history of conferring great powers upon local heroes. In 1943, the city ended a holdout with Stan Musial by agreeing to divert the Mississippi river into "The Man's" backyard and in 1996, Brett Hull was given a 'golden gun' with monogrammed bullets that allowed him to kill whomever he wanted within the city limits.

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