Official Proclamation Of Cleveland's Ban On Professional Sports

In This Section

Vol 47 Issue 11

'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday.

Kelly and Epting's Apartment

Within walking distance of public transportation and situated in an up-and-coming area of town, Justin Kelly and Luke Epting's two-bedroom apartment contains a number of minor, albeit notable flaws.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Sleep

Entertainment

Official Proclamation Of Cleveland's Ban On Professional Sports

After years of wrenching disappointment, the city of Cleveland has finally cast professional sports aside, to be replaced with anything and everything that doesn't emotionally cripple every last citizen.

Various other sports cities across the country have been inspired by the ban, including Buffalo, which is planning a controlled burn of the Bills, and Los Angeles, which has determined all sports teams will be replaced with upscale oxygen lounges.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More