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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Oh, God, Area Man Making His Move

BRIGHTON, NY—Patrons of the Full Moon Tavern are reporting that oh, God, area man Darrell Barnes is walking right up to that beautiful woman sitting by the window. "I can't watch this," eyewitness Mark Oliver whispered to himself after witnessing Barnes spend seven minutes working up the courage to oh, shit, he's actually trying to talk to her. "What the hell are you doing? Just get out of there, man." At press time, sources confirmed Barnes and the woman were walking together toward the exit and, Christ, look at that: The son of a bitch actually pulled it off.

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