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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Ohio State Hires Jim Tressel As Head Football Coach

COLUMBUS, OH—Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith announced Thursday that the university has hired veteran coach Jim Tressel to helm the football program. "Coach Tressel is our kind of guy; he embodies what Buckeye football is all about," said Smith, adding that Tressel has already proven in past jobs that he can beat Michigan, win conference titles, and even capture a national championship. "We realize he has experienced some misfortunes in the past, but we think this is exactly the kind of atmosphere in which he can get a fresh start and build the kind of program Ohio State fans have come to expect." Smith told reporters that the school's ability to woo a coach with seven Big Ten titles and multiple coach of the year awards proves its legacy remains strong.

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