adBlockCheck

Oil Executives March On D.C.

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Oil Executives March On D.C.

WASHINGTON, DC—More than 1,000 majority shareholders and executive officers from the nation's largest oil companies gathered in the National Mall and marched to Capitol Hill Monday in a mass demonstration for petrochemical corporations' rights and, according to several of those who attended, "to let our voices be heard at last."

Dozens of the executives, sheikhs, and oil barons who marched to demand an end to their oppression

"We're American citizens, and we demand to be part of the national dialogue," said John S. Watson, vice president of international exploration and production for Chevron Corporation, the world's second-largest oil company. "Many people in our industry think nobody in Washington cares about us, and that our opinions don't matter. We're here today to change that."

Guest speakers, including folk-singing lobbyist Anne Novotny, international drilling-rights activist Bill Marshall, and several Saudi princes, focused on the need to extend subsidies to offshore drilling efforts, grant tax breaks for the construction of new refineries, and stop oppressive environmental regulation.

But the real message of the protest was more personal: To demonstrators, the oil industry is unappreciated and even persecuted by large segments of the public who only want them for the gasoline they sell. Protesters hoisted signs reflecting this sentiment, bearing such slogans as "Enough Is Enough," "Power To The Petroleum-Producing People," "Texaco-American Pride," and "I'm Pro-Oil And I Vote."

"Politicians are supposed to work for everyone," said Red Cavaney, president of the American Petroleum Institute. "For years, they've pretended like we didn't even exist. But today, with this many people from the oil industry right here in our nation's capital, we're sending an undeniably strong message."

Oil executives traveled from as far as Irving, TX to attend the event. Some, such as Exxon Mobil chairman and CEO Rex W. Tillerson, said they were missing important board meetings and sacrificing as much as three days of vacation time just to be among their fellow oilmen.

"You can't ignore us any longer, America," a flag-draped Tillerson said. "Get used to us, because we refuse to stand in silence. From now on, the power brokers in Washington will sit up and listen."

The march, which took place just after lunchtime, was limited to a strict route, and was closely monitored by hundreds of DC police in riot gear. Authorities reported no arrests or instances of violence, even after a tense moment when some protesters chanting "Members of the board will not be ignored!" passed a security barricade and crossed Pennsylvania Avenue.

"Today is the day my American oil comrades and I stand together as one and announce that this is our country, too," said BP Global's chief financial officer, Byron Grote, who oversaw British Petroleum's acquisition of ARCO, SOHIO, Amoco, and Vastar in 2000. "None of us in international oil production are looking for special treatment. We just want a fair shake. That's what democracy is all about."

Organizers applauded the peaceful protest as a "positive first step in governmental–petrochemical coalition-building." But the systemic marginalization of one minority group—in this case, Big Oil CEOs—by those in power can make it difficult to get past feelings of bitterness and resentment, said corporate-disenfranchisement expert Jonathan Foner.

"They feel like they've just been shouting into the wilderness," Foner said. "So today, many of them were hoping that if they spoke loudly and clearly enough through their bullhorns into the wilderness, those in power would listen to them."

ConocoPhillips CEO J.J. Mulva was scheduled to deliver a speech about civil disobedience, but called it off at the last minute due to unspecified medical complications. His brother, Exxon Mobil controller P.T. Mulva, said "heartbreak" is what kept the older sibling at home.

"The oil business is a labor of love for our family, and J.J.'s been fighting for our rights for years," Mulva said. "When he heard that the marchers would not be permitted to pass the White House due to security issues, it was more than he could take. That really broke his spirit."

President Bush, vacationing at his Crawford, TX ranch, released a statement Tuesday morning expressing his respect for the protesters' right to free speech, saying America "tolerates diverse viewpoints."

"The people have a right to protest in this country, but my administration is not going to be intimidated by the opinions of an outspoken few," Bush said.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close