'Okay, Gene, Let's Just Get Through This,' Marketing Executive Beginning Day Tells Self

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Vol 48 Issue 38

The Bird Sniffer

PBS 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT Ornithologist and acclaimed odor-describer Dr. Charles Wemple attempts to get a rare whiff of a freshly hatched ivory-billed woodpecker before the mother pecks the bejeezus out of his face.

Area Mom Was Waiting In The Car For 20 Minutes

LEXINGTON, MA—According to sources within the car-pool lane at Lexington High School, your mom has been waiting for you in the car for over 20 minutes, and now she’s going to be late, which is just great.

That Chair Over There

No one’s using it at the moment. Go ahead, take a seat. You can always get up if someone comes back.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Business

'Okay, Gene, Let's Just Get Through This,' Marketing Executive Beginning Day Tells Self

NEW YORK—Suppressing all memories of his childhood dreams, DDB Worldwide marketing executive Gene Strassman reportedly spoke aloud instructions to himself to confront the day and begin his normal work routine Tuesday morning. “Here we go, just four hours until lunchtime,” Strassman murmured while booting up his office computer. “You can do this…you can plan and facilitate a rebrand meeting with the Applebee’s team.” After 30 minutes of stoically responding to interoffice e-mails, Strassman dutifully boarded the elevator to the 26th-floor conference room, momentarily hoping the doors would open on an empty shaft.

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