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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Okie Hears There's Sam's Club Work In New Mexico

TULSA, OK—Day laborer Cal Thornton, driven from the Wal-Mart where his family worked the stockroom for generations, has heard tell of Sam's Club work in New Mexico. "They say they need 17 guys to unload pallets of toilet paper, baby food, and canned peaches in Las Cruces," Thornton said. "Word is, they got cans of peaches in New Mexico so big, you got to use two hands to lift 'em." Thornton loaded his family and few belongings into the cab of his rusted pickup truck and began the migration Tuesday.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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